And I heard Somethin' Going Strong It Musta Been A Drum...

Today I met some talking trash cans at the beach. They lifted their lids and cursed at me and talked and said hi and asked me for trash. I am going to make a documentary about their private lives and I need YOUR help. If you have an interesting trash can who has been through a lot or is hoping to make its big break, you're my man. The film will be called "Cans". (Hope that doesn't remind you of something from the past.) The cans need a say in the world today. They are also scary and dangerous. (They could close on you!) It reminds me of a creepy thing like maybe a creepy movie almost. Can't you just picture cans walking around and talking maybe with little shoes on, like red clown shoes and stuff with little glued on googly eyes?

Ooh and the jukeboxes! They can be extras. They too have a lot to say. They play all day. Now I walked into this honkey-tonkey just the other day and I was just putting my coin in this jukebox just to hear it play. You know how it is, I didn't have no tune in mind I didn't wait to choose.... but then! I heard somethin' going strong it musta been a drum. But this guy in like the song, he cut loose on the steel guitar and the jukebox ran away! I mean it was flyin' you shoulda seen it go. On its little shoes a-dancin' all around and talking... so anyway that will be in there too! I hope I don't get sued by the trash can agency for delving in all personal and junk. But this a world that must be SEEN AND HEARD. That means you too, jukeboxes. No need to be blue. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Peace out. Updates will occur when next available. (Copyright 2007) Oh, and don't try to steal the top secret movie ideas. It's already happenin.... wooooooooooooo. Spooky man.

If I Were An Insect With Eight Legs....

Thanks a lot, Ross. It's all YOUR fault Spiders are trying to take over the world!


If I were and insect with eight legs... would you scream like an idiot and leap up wildly? Yes. And Yes again. I had a close call the other day. You know, sometimes you just gotta be brave in your line of duty. And that means risks. It all started watching a strange movie I call "Commandments". It's a good movie, however it does involve someone coming out of a dead whale and then just afterwards without showering, making out with another person. However this is all well and good, or so it may have been if not for The Spider. Lying quietly thinking my thoughts, watching the movie, with a cat at my side, I felt a little ticka ticka crawly crawly on my arm. I thought this was none other than the whiskers of Cali close by. However I looked down and saw instead a humongous black shadow heading down my forearm. "Arrrrgggghh!" I shrieked with terror. Cali ran away, sheets flying everywhere... the neighbor next door murmured audibly to her houseguest, "Did you hear THAT?" Quite distraught I ran and sought the help of a fellow member of my dwelling who with much effort managed to aid me in locating said beast as it attempted to hide and then later kill me.

After The Spider was out of my room I still felt uneasy. What if there were more spiders? What if there were MANY more spiders? That was a close call. Somehow I made it through the night and it seemed at least for the time being... that I was safe from the clutches of spiderdom. However, as I am writing this and glancing nervously towards my bed I fear I may be provoking the wrath of the unsuccessful spider. Will it be back? Will it attack AGAIN? Only time will tell....

Oh, Hellllll No!

I sense a conspiracy. The root of evil you ask? Why the DMV of course! They want you to think it's just a place to get your driver's license and to talk about crap that has to do with your car. But NO. That is not it AT ALL.....

First they force you to wait in a long line with little electronic voices saying ridiculous things such as "F18-41" and "window 23, window, 23..." It's like The Hatch on "Lost". It's only a matter of time before... kaboom! I just know The Others are in charge of the "DMV" or as I like to call it, the Demented and Mundane Velocity-operative. They trick you with their confusing questions! Blue backgrounds on a black and white picture! Dirty pencils! Cars... that follow pre-programmed commands.

Oh come now! Haven’t you seen the movie "Cars"? Those things DO NOT want humans driving them, they follow no rules! They want to annihilate us all! But I say, oh hellllll no! Not on my watch. I am so gonna woop those driver test permit things. The cars may be alive and have minds of their own but how do they reproduce? Do Sally and Tow-Mater ever get it on? I DON'T THINK SO. Why you ask? Because it's a G-Rated movie! So that means... they have to get old... and then it's only a matter of time before they rust! And their air-conditioners stop working! And then what?? They will have no choice but to surrender to the humans.

The DMV may not be run by humans, but humans do come there. The thing that is quite perplexing is... do humans ever leave again? Or do their cars simply drive away... WITHOUT THEM. This problem is perhaps quite challenging and frustrating for me. How can I beat the super-human-mighty-morphin-mutant-car test? There is a will and I am almost 100% sure there is also a way. Whatever that might be I will find it and will succeed. Am I going to cry and wail and say "I didn't pass the super-human-mighty-morphin-mutant-car test"? Never! (And besides I already did that several hours ago!) Now. Is. The. Time. To. WIN. And I shall. Perhaps... with some additional knowledge... in eight days...

You win for now Car People! But this battle is FAR from over! Mwahahahah!

Ooh, Sigh!

You know expired food right? Well let me tell you... expired is not a good thing. We got this thing here at my house I like to call it Snack Mountain. There's soda, water, chips, and nuts. And its all piled in a spare recycling bin. We looked through it tonight and found about 40 expired cans of root beer. Over a year expired. And we don't even buy root beer anymore. We dumped 'em all and filled our recycle thing up with cans! And there was old beer and gatorade and we, my brother and I that is, got it all over our hands and clothes. Yuck! Ooh, sigh what a job! We organized the cabinets and found year expired vegetable stock. (Ew. I didn't even know we bought that!) And I cleaned out our hanging basket thingy and there was old rice and crap. Dang! I hope that never happens again. Oh and in our fridge there was an apple that was all rotten. I say, if it's still leave it lay, but if it walks, run away! Nothin' like nice squishy mutant fruit.

Randall is doing pretty good for someone who just had teeth pulled. He ate some non-expired soft eggs and a smoothie. I had some pasta. (That was not expired.) At the store they have all this weird stuff like meatless meat and sausage flavored muffins or something. I keep asking if we can just TRY some Tofurky. It's turkey flavored they say! They have it all there, non-dairy cheese, meatless meat, tofu burgers and soy tacos! But the answer is always that I'll hate it and it's expensive and why buy THAT? But I like soy milk and I have some soy crisps but they taste funny but I still want to buy Tofurky because I'm tired of eating just Turkey all the time. Then they ask why I want to be a vegetarian and it is too much trouble and if you don't feel good protein sources like chicken or something are much lighter and easier to eat. That's not to say Tofurky isn't good I just don't know yet because I haven't bought any. But maybe I will. As long as it's not expired.

But wow if I could make dinner again. Oh I should! I make great salads and sandwiches and things like that and crackers! But ooh, sigh. Well Spring semester starts in a few days and driver's ed and my midterm thingy and stuff so there's much to do. And I am sad because Randall has WAY more celebrity autographs than me because celebrities like him and my only autograph from Fritz Coleman who isn't even THAT famous I gave to him but I wish I hadn't. He has one from these jazz guys and Harrison Ford, and Sacha Baron Cohen, and Rosanne Cash, and ME! (Because he wanted one from me but I'm not even THAT famous probably less than Fritz Coleman.) So I should challenge him if ever I find the time and write to all these people and ask them for autographs. But I don’t care that much anyway but it's good to write your feelings because you can't hide from your feelings and I should write in my other blog again because people will think I’m nuts and dumb from reading here but that's the point! My other blog is just what I've been doing and stuff but I haven't updated it. I will! Oh Country Fried Home Videos is so funny! And tonight Lost is on but I'm tired and not that much TV for me but I guess Lost because why not? It's Lost! I love you people but it depends who you are, maybe I don't if you aren't my friends but if you ARE then of course I do! So anyway by. Ooh, sigh I am tired. Great Success!

The Mystery of The Missing Change

How much longer are you going to look for your lost change?


Do you ever wish you had more change? Like are you ever just a few cents short of a soda or something? For example... today at school I really wanted to buy a granola bar. They cost seventy-five cents a pop. So I look through my bag and I find two quarters right away no problem. Then I find a dime. Yay! So then I look around, shake it all about lalala finally a nickel, and then another nickel. My wallet is empty because I bought something last week. But then a surprise... three pennies! Right in there. But the problem is I need two more cents.

I thought of saving my efforts to acquire the granola bar but somehow I just KNEW if I looked hard enough I could find it. So I look on the ground and under a bench and I find a penny! Then I go to the store and take a penny from the Take A Penny Leave A Penny Tray. Luckily for me... there was no tax. SO then as a good girl as I am I went to the bathroom and washed my hands and sat down on some bench and ate my granola bar but now I need to find some more change because everybody knows that at one time or another they might just want a bottle of water or maybe a Coke or maybe a new pencil or paper or something like that.

Anyway sometimes I find money in my jeans and it goes through the washer and I then I can't find it again. I KNEW I had some spare change in my jeans but then where did it go? Then I realized that it went in the washing machine. So I got it and it was really clean, it even smelled good. But I'm fine, it's not like I HAD to have that granola bar and all... OR DID I??? That's the mystery of it. I always lose my change but when I least expect it... AHAH! There it is... not always quite enough but maybe it's good that they invented change and all so that it gives you something to lose in your pockets and helps your counting skills.

Anyway I always see change on the ground but it's always a penny and my hands or full or the ground is dirty or something so I rarely pick it up. They say you only should pick it up if it's heads up. You know like that game you play in grade school "Head's Up Seven-Up"? I don't remember the point of that game but the important thing is that has something to do with change. Wait no it doesn't. I'm tired. I bet if the family knew I was on the computer being a little dork they'd say "get off". It's funny... I never have time for crap 'cept at night and that's only some days but why do this when I could do anything else? Hmm... I dunno. Anyway I think it's very mysterious how change is always lost or found or something like on the ground or maybe in your jeans but anyway the point is you should always pay in bills in exact change or maybe just not buy anything because it's overpriced at the school store. Always remember to TIE YOUR SHOES. (Cause otherwise you might trip.)

I wonder if Joaquin ever found his change. It's funny I don't remember that part of "Walk The Line" when he's looking for his change so maybe it's a deleted scene or maybe that really happened in real life and someone happened to capture that exact moment. I always feel bad for people who lose things because that happens to me like everyday. Oh, you know I just thought of something, if you have NO change but cash then you can ask for change. Wait! Then you can pay in cash. I guess no one ever told Joaquin that. Shame. Respek y'all.

Are YOU One of The Carters?

Fernando, age unknown (right). Piano girl who has never heard of The Carters (left).





















Are YOU one of The Carters?
Take this quiz:

1.)Where is your ideal vacation spot?
a.) A tropical island
b.) A lake
c.) A resort
d.) The Wildwood

2.) What is most dear to your childhood?
a.) A bunch of old toys and crap
b.) The old park
c.) Your house
d.) The little brown church in the dale

3.) Where do you live?
a.) The U.S.
b.) Novosibirsk
c.) Mars
d.) My Clinch Mountain home

4.) What kind of disorder do you have?
a.) OCD
b.) Acid Reflux
c.) Restless Legs Syndrome
d.) One of a 'nervous nature'

5.) What is your last name?
a.) Smith
b.) Davis
c.) Carson
d.) Carter

6.) Which movie has the most relevance to you?
a.) 8 Mile
b.) The Day The World Ended
c.) Barney's Big Adventure
d.) Walk The Line

7.) What's your favorite flower?
a.) Daisies
b.) Roses
c.) Lilies
d.) Wildwood Flowers

8.) What is your favorite type of eggs?
a.) Scrambled
b.) Hard-boiled
c.) Over-easy
d.) Sunny Side Up

9.) Would you rather...
a.) Wax your legs
b.) Climb a tree
c.) Watch the tele
d.) Sing and play various instruments with several other of your immeadiate family members

10.) What is your favorite mythical creature?
a.) Lochness Monster
b.) La Chupacobra
c.) Pikachu
d.) Ole Slewfoot

Okay... if you answered mostly d's you are probably one of the Carters.

Wildwood Flower
Can The Circle Be Unbroken
East Virginia Blues
My Clinch Mountain Home
Wabash Cannonball
Keep On The Sunny Side
Church In The Wildwood
Juke Box Blues
Foggy Mountain Top
Anchored In Love
Ring of Fire

Okay... which member of the Carter Family is credited with writing which song?

a.) A.P.
b.) June
c.) Maybelle, Helen Anita
d.) Sarah
e.) Other

If you can answer all of these... you really need some help. Maybe even more than me because not even I can answer some of them.

We asked people on the streets which Carter they were most like.

Fernando said...
"A.P. I am very musical in nature but more importantly my mother was struck by lightening during her pregnancy with me. Go figure. Although, I am much more normal than him. See? See my normalness?"

A unknown girl said...
"I have never heard of the Carter Family. In fact I have never made any plans to visit the Carter Family Fold located in scenic Hiltons, VA."

Google says.... 517,000 matches found for your query.

Alright 517,000 matches.
That's just people looking in right?
Okay now multiply that time the number of results for "Johnny Cash"
Okay that's like a bizillion.
Okay now that is a lot of people that are related to Johnny Cash or The Carters.

Now Google Nicole...
WOW! That's like a buttrillion.
She's a doctor, a lawyer, an actress, a teacher, a volleyball player and several dead people.
She MUST be one of THEM.

JUST KIDDING.
See you in Jackson.
Bye.