Ode To Cook N' Stuff

Oh, Cook N’ Stuff. That store that sells cooking stuff.... how dear to my heart you truly are. Your overpriced juicer don’t work half as well as they take up space on your counter top.... Or those lovely knifes that look like something that would kill you in a cheap horror flick, (especially if you’re sushi!) They sure do have it all, don’t they? I thought I would take the liberty of advertising some of their wonderful new items, now on sale!



Cook N’ Stuff Stuff You Don’t Really Need N’ Stuff

Deluxe Chef’s Knife Collection
$5,892.79

Knives so sharp they can cut through steel but so small they can also fit in your wallet.

Can-O-Vision
$9,791.23

Why watch television when you can watch Can-O-Vision? The only can opener/TV you’ll ever buy. (Because obviously it’s a piece of shit.)

Bastalicious Baster
$518.52

Have you been a naughty little cook? Our flexible rubber basting brushes come in bright neon colors and look suspiciously like sex toys. Butter me up!

The Honey Thing
$139.96

You know, that wooden thing you only see in pictures of honey? Relive your Whinnie The Poo days one sticky mess at a time.

Thank you, don’t come again!

This Is DRIVING Me Crazy

Okay, people, listen up. You know how the other day I said that I was takin' my drivers behind the wheel whatnot today? Well I did..........

AND I PASSED! Yeah. I am really happy about it but I'd be happier if I wasn't sleep deprived and have my favorite activity in the whole world to look forward to tomorrow... yep, the Suck Ass Test class! Well if I could beat the Demented Mundane Velocity operative, I can probably beat the SAT too... wait maybe not. Hell. Dude. Yeah...

Alright, now I can't rant and rave for 500 pages tonight because it's late and it's not like I'm one of those teenagers in the movies, who actually has fun or something, but I'll share a few key concepts, hehe.



I woke up waaaaay too early and went to da ghetto DMV. It sucked cause I had to wait like an hour sitting in the car. Finally this dude came and we took the test. First he ask me to do right/left HAND signals and I remembered right but that was about it... next we dithered around parking and backing up and turning and crap and there weren't even any cones or fake cardboard cut outs of old ladies with machine guns. So basically we did a bunch of stuff and then he yelled at his GF on his cell phone and he told me how I went over the line when I was turning. (To see, duh.) But he was actually a nice guy and I thought I failed but I didn't! Now I get a new stack of stapled together pages until my licence comes in two weeks-infinity! Yay! I was supa happy. But then I had a french test and I told Sean about it. Then I went to piano. Randall felt pretty bad and I felt pretty depressed. But later tonight, we threw off some party poppers and I wore the streamers on my head because I'm the type of person who's just cool enough to pull that off.

We made terrible juice with pineapple and orange that SOUNDED good, but tasted like bile. We watched some Hawaii footage too. "I'm filming out the window! Pop Goes My Heart! Apple Banana Trash can!" Then we watched on (Oh! The channel for freaky plus-sized stay at home independent bulemic menstrual middle aged women off all nationalities,) the movie "Drive Me Crazy". Or some of it... I don't know, whatever the DVR liked best I guess. Randall wanted us to see it because he thought it was about DRIVING. (Um, no.) You know, it's one of those sorta fun but highly predictable movies from the 90's about teenagers who are for some reason aloud to drive with each other in the car without getting arrested and apparently have no homework and their biggest worry is some dance. Time zone?

I'd trade Debra out for Adrian Grenier as my neighbor any day. Melissa Joan Hart obviously has NO idea what it's like to live next to someone who talks loudly enough on the phone that we can hear her say "No one wants to have sex with me!" AND doesn't share her wireless. Not to mention evil Har-Har (a.k.a. Harold), Da Zoid who has the hots for my dad, and their daughter Damien (well Madeline but she's also satan.) But life is dumb. So it's supa late but I can drive by myself now! No not with friends under 25, no not with Randall, no not at night, BUT I can drive to school myself and save my mom errands. Yeah, I guess I'll miss having a driver a little bit, but somehow I think I'll live. Well.... that is all. Until we meet again Which will be in..... I don't know, what's up with mustard? Huh, huh? Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Da 411

SUPER IMPORTANT BULLETIN:

What to say? I could be doing other things and yet my blog has a receptive magnet buried somewhere in my computer that draws me here once again. Woah, wait a sec.... a magnet inside a computer? Wouldn’t that f*** things up a bit? And that brings me to something else. Why do people insist on putting *’s where letters should be when they’re cussing? It’s not like we don’t know what f*** could be. Is it fold? Is it foot? Or is it fwew? I can’t guess. Just too many words. They should put it on the SAT or something.

Yeah, I hate the Suck Ass Test. For the love of cheese, I’m in college! Why the bloody hell should I take this hard and lamo test for kids who ain’t even in college yet? Yes, I want to transfer. Hey, I could get into UH no prob, I just got back from there too. And some people would say passing that up is nuts! But I’m trying to be a “good girl” and keep my “options” open. Trust me I’ve had many fights with the voices in my head over this very topic and it’s quite a drag to study in the back of a glorified seven-eleven three or more times a week for many hours at a time for only about a bizillion dollars. But math is not my forte and if I want to boost my sub par scores then I guess I have to do this shiznit. So far we’ve had three teachers, excuse me three plus an evil prompter, so that’s four people in our four classes. Our real teacher is apparently keepin’ it incognito or somethin’. (Yeah I say that a lot, sorry.) And don’t get me started on stupid people. They run my school. The office people are evil little nutt butts and half the classes have been duds or conflicting this semester, plus the music program SUCKED. That’s why I dropped it.

Hey, I’m writing my own lyrics and music whenever possible, it’s my life long addiction now, I hope, and I’m starting work on my demo too. But all I do is run around at school, do homework, or go to the SAT thing, and then comes music, plus sleepless nights, and worries about my bro, who has been doing ungood to put it mildly. On a lighter note, I’m planning to tie down and jam gravel up the noses of all incompetent doctors. (A.k.a. 90% of them.) Who’s with me? Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking, “she’s not all together there”. Well yeah, kinda true, but who is? The whole damn world’s a bloody snow globe full of smog and offices, and oh yeah, tomorrow I get to go to the DMV. (Please see article “Oh Helllllll no!- Demented Mundane Velocity operative.) Yeah, another one of my favorite things to do. But I’m so cool, you wouldn’t even know that my life is insane..... me and my entourage hang out and look cool and try to cut back on sodium, yo! (And if this is hard to follow you may want to take a pop culture/personal experience test to determine whether Doodlinnoodleicken is right for you.)

I got back from Hawaii a little under a month ago and I can say that.... I miss it like crazy!!!!!!! P.S. I want to give a shout out to my friends out there in the big HI, thanks for reading my blog guys! Never forget that I’m still jealous of you! Can’t wait to go back there. So pretty, such good smoothies........... I saw my home dogg Orlando Bloom out there gettin’ bombed in Waikiki. Of course, I tried to take his pic or at least ask for an autograph but hotel security people decided to divert me from my doings and I missed him in the elevator. I’ve taken a liking to the Hawaiian music and culture and stuff, so I bet you can imagine how freakin’ weird ass LA felt when I got off the plane. No one told me “Mahalo” for coming, and when I said “E Komo Mai” to the guy at baggage claim he just stared. “No Zippy’s?” I asked. At least I got to see my little popokis again. Cali ate most of my window plants, and Jesse had extreme ADD. I went to school, made my room nice and messy and DVR’d stuff for the few times I’ve actually watched stuff.


I'm Learning jazz chords on piano so I can rock it more in style.... and I’m working a lot on crap I don’t want to do.... and I’m still managing to blog it all up! I also DVR’d “Idiocracy” and it was kinda funny, and shockingly realistic of how the world is NOW.
“Welcome to the time masheen! We’ll take you back, first to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his Nazi regime tried to take over the world!” I love that scene. Look it up on YouTube or something. Yes, I still have dial-up because Debra the dork next door won’t share her wireless and we’ve yet to set up DSL. Oh ye-ah! Oh and speaking of things to watch on YouTube or something... my videos! If you watch “Lost” you’ll definitely get a kick out of my “Season Four First Look”. Links coming soon when blogger isn’t f*********** up, (the other problem with *’s is you have to count how many letters it would be...) For now just type in “wildwoodflower16" and you’ll find my stuff.






Weee! It’s Random Thoughts Time!
When I was on the islands, I got bit by so many critters. A swarm of mosquitos, stepped on an urchin, a centipede, spider, man-o-war was a bit much. I’m on the Big Island and I step near the surf, not even in it and this giant thing hurls itself onto my bare leg. It’s pumping poison into me and I’m screaming trying to shake it off, and everybody at the beach is just staring at me like it’s a freak show or something. I got bit by a big ass one too and got a big peachy swollen ankle. Later that day I felt pretty sick from it and kept falling asleep, but my family wouldn’t let me take so much as a nap like I had a concussion or something. Well, critters aside, I loved Hawaii. GO KAMA’AINA DISCOUNT!

On the television subject , in a movie called the “Adventures of Sebastien Cole” the karate scene is hi-larious. Chop suey, superhero! Rewind it times three. Yeah, I barely know what I’m talking about either. You should see me when I’m caffeinated. Wowww. Speaking of films, I’m working on my film-making. I actually really love doing it, and I might make my own real short films someday. (I’m already working on some.)

Yes, I know I have an empty “Lost” blog, I’ll fill it sometime when I can but it was a whim we had once, a long, long, time ago. My family and I are such “Lost” freaks that we actually have action figures now. Sawyer says “There’s nicer ways to wake a man up freckles” and “I’m a complex guy, sweetheart!” Go fish biscuits!

Do you think anyone actually watches the “Emmy’s”? I mean, I guess some people do but come on! Lame...... In other news, Jesse bit through my phone line today so I’m using the short one.... come on people, you all everybody, stupid people 4 8 15 16 23 42. I want to be your superhero. Hey man what are you gonna do with your life? I dunno get a hair cut, pay taxes, die. I can get you a job flipping burgers. No thanks. Kay, got to go, but I talks to you later, alrighty? The tabloids say, I’m gonna kick your ass!
I love you!
Thanks you for shopping at Costco.