THIS BLOG IS CLOSED

This is a dead site. Please visit my new blog at 

www.wardsback.tumblr.com

Thank you

How Weird is My Blog?

The beauty of spring... roses, hills, oceans...



And the "best" blog this side of the Redondo Beach pier!


Oh wow. Time for some good 'ole novel fun my wee friend. I hope you think this blog is weird. If you're someone at all that is... Because, as I say time and time again, no one reads this. Not on purpose anyway. And this fact fills me with much anguish. Sort of... sometimes... not really.

Ooh, look an elevator!

Hmm... I think today I'll insert random photographs, artfully of course, very tastefully, throughout the entry.

Alright, so down to 'the' business.
I'm tired...
Yeah, that's something else I like to say a lot. I like being repetitive. That way you'll always know what to expect when reading this and not be alarmed by things like oh I don't know FLOOOOBERBSFJKBDYANSLHFNKEJBFVNLBRYDSJNKLWFHBUNFNFLKJU*767ftghy
(Wait, there's more...)
zkhleirutyh8i4u983u50923u8oujtkerhHJJJJKKKKeuhw83y82ur!!ffjmjgmgghfthrtdmsdhgh
[0948-02000-------w90u83977788994900

No, the last part is not a phone number. So please don't try calling it. Actually screw that. Try calling it, I'm rather curious what will happen.
Maybe you'll dial 839-777-788994900 and then... crap that's too many numbers..
But if you're lucky you'll get that patronizing little computer voice on the other end...
"if you think you've received this message in error, please dial again".
Like duh, it's an error...
You just dialed a made up number you read on some freak's blog.
At night probably.
On the internet of all places!
You need help seriously.
Oh my god...

Yeah, like, um... that reminds me. I'm almost done with my MATH work. (Murderous. Aggravating. Terrorizing. Hell-work.)
Oh, I forgot to mention... I like making up creepy acronyms for shit too.
It's one of my favorite hobbies.
Which brings me to another point...
What the heck kind of a word is 'hobby' anyway?
What are you 'hobbing' exactly?
And yes, I am sort of aware that when I'm tired, bored, busy, frustrated, excited, all of or none of the above I begin random, lengthy, and peculiar internet rants about nothing in particular.
Isn't it marvelous?
<< Side note. The crazier the hair, the bigger the genius! (Just ask this guy...vvvv)



So... if you think my blog is weird, please read some of the other blogs out there today and reevaluate your opinion(s). I bet you one pack of diet seven-up that they are much more bizarre. Bizarrely more boring that is.. eesh!

Unfortunately, I don't have much time to research the world of creepy blogs, but I simply cannot be the creepiest! I try, but I just can't. It's too hard. And I don't like difficult things...
I like music . Oh right, I said that some other time probably. I know! I'll repeat my interests and 'hobbies' a bunch more times! I like quoting stuff too.
I was telling my cat Cali the other day about that song by Sea Wolf (whoever that is) that goes
"My mother always said, get out of town, you're a wolf". Or something...
I heard it on "The Loft" on the radio. I've probably f'd it up a bit though.
But you know what 'they' say. "You can't find the truth in a house of lies and you can't see tomorrow in yesterday's eyes."
I know I quoted that correctly! Putting things in quotation marks is fun!!!
BTW, if you can guess what that's from you get a cookie!
(Well actually maybe not because I don't really have any. But I do have some delectable salt free potato chips I may be persuaded to share...)


Ok, well whoever you are reading this thing that I probably won't even read back, by now you've either fallen into a coma from the lameness of reading my blog, discovered that you never want to have anything to do with me again, or decided that you DO like reading my blog. I'm terribly sorry if you've discovered the last one. Consistency is not important to me at all... I mean, some of the best things in the world are inconsistent. Like Vons produce! Or foreign electronics! Or the amount of hot water in my bathroom! Or concerts at the Arlington! Or global warming related weather patterns! Or fish smell at the Salton Sea! Or a conversation with ME!

Oops, I contradicted myself! At the beginning of this post, (if memory serves), I said that I'm repetitive and predictable! (did I say that right?) Oh whatever. Further proof that I should probably clean my desk, because it is covered in paper cut hazards. Having a lot of things to do in my life often makes it hard for me to remember the simplest things. Like a lot of school work, etc. often equates to forgetting to answer emails, drop things in the mail, finishing short films, or,
I dunno, like just organizing!


<<< awwww look at the siblings pretending to be normal!


Something I often remember on busy nights like that is this blog for some reason.
That doesn't happen very often anyway. Luckily for you...
I think I want this to be the longest blog ever. Yes! A marathon!
If people can sit through an entire "Harry Potter" movie without using the bathroom, or talk about Diablo Cody without upchucking, they can without a doubt read this entire eye strain inducing ramble.
I can barely spell inducing...
Ahhh, my eyes! They are straining!
Oh and for the record I hate Lenscrafters! They're... well... how to put this elegantly...
Sorry, I can't censor myself here.
They're fucking pricks. Ok! My brother needs glasses and they can't even work the eye tester thing. And they charge an arm and a leg for sunglasses!
Being the rebel that I am, I went down to Pac Sun and got lovely $15 shades instead of buying them from Lensbastards.
Anyway, I digress.
Again.

So today I also gave my "space speech" finally.
It went sort of well.
Ah, I love space for some reason.
I guess cause it's so beautiful and inspiring.
Whenever I think about space and look at the stars I feel inspired.
I write a lot of songs when I'm near starry skies.
That's something I want to do again.
I'm also trying to find a bit of time to make some more YouTube comedy shorts. That was fun.
And maybe actually work on my documentary or something.
Did I mention that?
I'm trying to make a film about this place. You know Southern California.
Yes, it's been done. But mine will include the fascinating world of community college! Cat hair, even!
Ick. This is getting old. Writing this, I mean.

Other news..
Spring break was fun.
I loved not being in school.
I saw Bruce Springsteen and Eddie Vedder (not in the same night though.)
Springsteen was at Honda Center, huge place.
Vedder was at the Arlington in SB.
It was pretty fun. But weird.
Very weird...
And the opening act was shit.
I hope Liam Finn reads this so he knows that his was the only musical performance I have seen that I have actually covered my ears for.
And this is from me! I love bizarre music!

But he was terrible! I've heard better tunes coming from the static feedback on my pocket amp!
Vedder played some really good stuff though. He's a great guitarist. The drunken tripping audience just got old.

Oh and I went to Six Flags last week! I actually went on the 'big kid' rides! (Mostly due to peer pressure.)
I was pushed to go on roller coasters a few times. Literally. But it was really fun. So thanks guys for forcing me into something fun!
I know my terror was quite laughable! Haha.

Anyway, I guess it's time to post some random pictures!
Enjoy!


Beautiful chewed up cigarette bits!



The 'rest' room. Who wants to rest in here?



Just the futility closet. Nothing odd about that.

Light in the lovely trees of Torrence... and yours truly at the wondrous-not-ghetto-at-all-beach-park of
San Pedro!



Ok! Time for sleeping!

Low-Tech, High-C

<<< That's what you get when you Google "Sodium Free". I know how curious we all were... and I hate to disappoint.
Cool!

I didn't lie about writing in my blog! However, now that I have a bunch of midterms and stuff to do, after today I won't be back for quite sometime. Nevertheless, I decided to take a break from my scholarly deeds to procure another brilliant blog entry.

I nearly forgot that my final for my half semester political science class is this coming Wednesday, and so is a test for Psychology. (Great a test for a class I can barely spell the name of). Also, a lovely test for Speech! You'd think it would be easy. But you're actually supposed to memorize a bunch of "codes" for speaking properly in a "culturally diverse" society.

Culture can kiss my ass.

Meanwhile, my low-tech highly satanic Dell computer (Yes I did put Dell in italics), is working just splendidly. NOT.
I can barely burn a CD without it tiring out. (Which is bad because the CD duplication person is apparently in a coma and currently unable to do his job.)
Don't get me started on the internet...
But then again that could just be the all-too-predicable treachery my other favorite India based company, Verizon.

In other news...
Went, to the farmer's market yesterday.
So many lovely vegetables...
Yes, good times.
There were even mandarin oranges.
Now I will hopefully be getting enough vitamin C.
The grocery store is so evil.
I'm sorry people, a kiwi should be at least somewhat softer than a piece of granite. And possibly a tiny bit less bitter than bile.
Or not...
Thus shopping at the Farmer's Market has occurred.

Anyway, back to the exiting world of reality.
Which I dislike being a part of sometimes.
Like right now.

Stay sharp!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How come I don't get a f***in apple? Huh? School is full of crap. Remember that children! Full of krap! Wit a capital K!

Don't Talk it if it Ain't Spoken

Dude OMG WTF. I tried to post a lovely post for you to read and blogger kept putting it in Hindi. Cool? How many Hindi speakies do I have who read this? When not even I can understand what I'm saying there's something wrong. Haha. It's Thursday. And you know what that means! Tomorrow is Friday. And you know what that means! (Can you tell me please?) Yeah, so I finished my work for the day. I was reading someone else's blog the other week and I was thinking, damn they write in their blog EVERYDAY? Wow. And they didn't even write anything particularly funny. Just stuff like:

"Today I bought some socks. Aren't they like so awesome? Anyway, I need to finish repainting the laundry room, ttyl."

And I was like... ooookay.
You got on the computer and sat down and actually took a moment to tell the world that you need to finish painting your laundry room. Weird.

Today is my mom's birthday. I guess this is a bit of a test to see if she reads this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
YOU ROCK!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Hello?
Can you hear me?

...

I found good seats for the Bruce Springsteen concert...

...

There's one for you...

...

I, uh, stole your pants.
And your credit card.

...

My brain has been abducted by space mutants!!!!

...

Ok. I guess not even my mommy reads my blog. And I thought she liked keeping track of my everyday life!

Oh well...

Anyway, I thought I would keep this blog updated a bit more often for some reason, like my blog frequenting friend.
(Which really means, I will post several times in a given week and then not at all for months or possibly years.)

I have to do an "informative speech" for speech.
But it can't be persuasive.
And it has to be 100% Politically Correct.
Screw that...

I was thinking of doing it on rock n' roll...
Or cucumbers...
Or maybe space.
You know like planets and stuff.
Because it's awesome.

Hmmm...

Back With A Vengeance

I wish I remembered what I thinking there <<<<<<.






<<< That is not me. Ok, yes it is.

HELLO.
Wait?
Um, who am I talking to?
Probably no one at this point, sad as it may be.
I have not posted once this year!
Not in three whole months!
Sorry.
But ahah, I have returned to spread my message across the Internet.
What is my message ye aks?
I don't know, but I think it is to read my blog more often because it is awesome.
Carnival corn!
Yes, that was random.
So you probably are just dying to hear about my exciting life.
Well, I shall not disappoint.
2007 ended. And I've done a lot this year, and I'm busy, but also lazy which may explain why I haven't written in my blog.
Or maybe I forgot, or just lost interest because it is obviously an orphaned site which no one reads except for maybe my friend Andrea and my mom.
And even that is doubtful.
So far I've taken screen writing at CSULB, I am enjoying film very much.
But on another note, I am not enjoying being back at community college and am so bored that I could quite easily drum a hole in my desk with my fingers. Like, dude.
I've written a lot of songs, and have done a little with them.
I recorded an iffy demo tape at the weirdest studio in the world with my brother.
The "producer" was actually Stuart from MAD TV. Well... not really, but almost.
I have yet to find somewhere better which I really want to do.
But eventually........
We're starting small. Kinda like ants. But iron ants, the kind that hurt if you step on them.
It's harder than you'd think to get anyone to return your phone calls... about anything...
I love music. It's addicting in a GOOD way.
Unlike Hershey's chocolate.
I swear they must put crack in that stuff or something.
I'm going to San Francisco for my birthday. With my friend, who probably doesn't read this.
Or does she?
No.
This month I hope to film my short script called "Smell Me Once". Yes, I wrote it. Yes it is loosely based on the weird dream I described here months ago. (See below.)
Yeah, I know I'm creepy. Any other questions?
Good.
I hope to book some decent gigs.
And find a drummer...
Good luck to me.
In a few weeks I'm seeing Bruce Springsteen and Steve Earle in concert. And Eddie Vedder.
Which reminds me of a very important story of antiquity.
On January 21st I saw Ryan Adams in concert in Santa Barbara. It was very delightful.
Drunk people roamed the aisles, hecklers shouted, a guy rolled around on stage, and there was no encore! And yet... I would do it again tomorrow. Why?
Well, there was some good music, although there could have been a little more, and as an obsessed fan, I'm hoping that his notoriously inconsistent shows will have one of those awesome days when I come there.
Or not.
I don't know.
Maybe I just like wasting money on tour shirts.
Or maybe I yearn to hear "Happy Birthday, Spacewolf" just one more time...
Did I mention I hate community college?
Although as I often say I don't know why...
I have a difficult psychology class run by Maggie Gyllenhall on acid...
A speech class I am required to take for transfer even though I KNOW how to talk already.
I have a wonderful stalker who follows me around campus who shall not be named right now...
Although now I realized there is at least one person reads this.
Yay...
I'm taking self defense which is nice. Cause then I can hurt people good.
Political Science is fine. I should really record it, so I can fall asleep faster at night.
And History of Math.
Words cannot properly describe my feelings for History of Mathematics.
But the following can if and only if n squared the power of k O )09w3yuhgjhbjdbzdjbfiwu38y58y8239585803=the probhalmet of smelt
But there is karma... the guy who wrote the text book is dead apparently.
Probably because he had to proof read himself.
Yeah, harsh.
Not really.
Check out our myspace music:

www.myspace.com/sodiumfreetheband

and me:

www.myspace.com/juicyplumssir

I may as well link them to this thing.
I'm tired and am starting to hallucinate so I will have to talk to you later.
Never watch "Semi-Pro". It is the worst movie ever. Well recently.
And remember not to eat salt cause it's bad.
Ok bye.

Happy Blah Blah Blah Holidays/New Year

I haven't posted forever you say?
You've given up reading this blog completely you say?
Well too freakin' bad!
Even the beautiful people have to work sometimes.
I am in fact proof of this.

Sort of...

So, I tried to post this three days before Christmas but guess what Blogger is glitchy!
So I'm trying again!
It is nearly 2008!---- Actually it is New Year's Eve. ^ It says 'Dec. 22' but that is a lie. That was the first time I attempted this post, and now I have to slightly alter it. Whatever shall I do?!!
Hope it will be great! (Talking about 2008 again)
Before it's too late!
Uh..

Working on my music
still
Starting my winter session class in a few days

I am sleep deprived, and cannot spell but I wanted to say that I hope Christmas was lovely for you and your family and have a great New Year.

I am taking time out of my busy schedule to do this people! (As if I had anything better to do at this moment)
Listen!
Are you listening?
huh?
Hello?
Yes, no, 42 1999, big lots, pine needles?
Good.
My holidays:
Thanksgiving was nice... no yucky turkey this year. Instead I enjoyed some fab salt free cuisine. (haha almost spelled quisine with a 'q'. Oh wait... I just did.)
DON'T EAT SALT!
EVER!
IT WILL GIVE YOU KIDNEY STONES!
Well maybe or maybe not...
But I had a good Thanksgiving.

Then finals, work, school, college transfer shiznit, etc. uh and a spider.

Ok... then Hawaii--- aka the best place in da world
Ka Lae Kilohana--- aka the best place in da world
And I wish I was still there.

Now I'm back...
to square one.
Christmas was nice. I spent some time with my family, who ROCK.
I got a guitar from my awesome band mate and brother which ROCKS.
Yay!
I love music.

I think...
Unless this is some parallel universe where we only think but do not realize.
Or some crazed funky ass shit in my head that the whole wide world plays along with my fantasy that it is random like in "Lars and The Real Waste of Money"

Um...
Check my vids

www.youtube.com/wildwoodflower16

And I am FINALLY in the process of booking a studio AGAIN now that I know the guitar school people have an illusion of studio that the villager dwellers play along with...
But not me, I know it's fake.

Look for Sodium Free,
my bro Randall and I play Alternative-folk-country-rock for your musical pleasure.

Is that enough advertising?
No.
Of course not.
It's the 'holiday season', not Earth Day.

Goodbye 2007
A year of improvment
Success
Hardships
Time management issues
Mental disorders
music
film
college
fun
travel
new friends
and secret crap of a forbidden nature
etc.

Go see "Into The Wild" it's better than "Juno" or some crap.
Eat salt free food
I love Sea Lab
I am tired
Somebody tuck me in...
Mommy?
Is that you?

But you know what they say
"I've never been to iceland but I've passed it on my way to Holland."
And that, children is the meaning to life.
No... wait
Reese's is...
uh, are
No, carrots...
mmmmmm, with their oh so delicious beta caratine!
Or is it the writing of this person I don't know at all...

www.geniedavis.com

Or could it be...
that I'm trying to say
Thank you friends, new, and old, and future
And my family
And all you other people

I hope you have a wonderful New Year full of happiness and health.
And cat barf under you tree.

Indubitably.

I Do Say, What The Fuck?

Uh-oh! I forgot to sensor my title! No! Now the sensor committee thing is going to b&^%p out A!! Th* norm&l word$ and d#stroy my bl0g. Don’t you just love America? Haha...

‘Ello sweet reader person/people or cat/dog/secretary/hermaphrodite/food product/magazine coupon/parking lot police

Time to learn! I recently took the SAT and am still good n’fresh on my vocab! I thought everyone, (or no one judging by the number of hits I’ve gotten,) could stand to be enlightened with marvelous marvels of the English language. That’s right!

And by the way, these words are copyrighted! So you can’t use them without paying me a thousand dollars first! And for the record, I used all of these words in class so they’re pretty damn spiffy. And to be fair, most of the fancy words I used to impress others were real, so I actually are a genius! Hee-hee.

B-U-T... I is also creative. Hell yes. A creative inventor I is. So enjoy reading my “not fake at all” vocab journal words.

Chronogilate- The obsessive need to label events in the order that they occurred.

D.P.U.C- Directional protection unit commission.

Humlick- A traffic delay surrounding a roundabout.

Subgrenier- The lower levels of a house and or building below the attic.

Binafilism- A puzzling phrase of terms.

Nundenation- A negative situation.

Well, I know y’all feel smarter now that you have read these definitions. One thing had been bothering me about them for a long time though. What the hell is the point of a vocab journal anyway?! I mean a vocab sheet, or a vocab notebook I could see, but a vocab journal? People even bought beautiful fancy notebooks to write them in. I do say what the f**k? (Hey it worked this time! Ain’t I a good citizen protectin’ da kiddies from “bad stuff”?)

I just wrote mine on a sheet of paper day after day, and it got the job done pretty goodly. But then, I had an epiphany and realized how much I was really missing by not having a real “journal.” If vocab doesn’t keep a journal, no one will no about its exciting world...

Dear Vocab Journal, How can I define today? It was a d-i-f-f-i-c-u-l-t day full of spelling errors and misplaced punctuation marks. Even worse, the terrifying grammar police almost captured my sweet Verb. Is it really such a big deal that “swammed” isn’t a real word? Sometimes I just want to rebel against the grammar police and maybe even use a question mark where I should have a comma. But Verb and I cannot afford to have a funny little red line under our words when using Spell Check. Oh sweet Verb, if he really had been rewritten I can’t think of any adjectives that could properly describe the sadness. Verb and I are getting married down at the Subject Chapel. Can you believe it? Mr. and Mrs. Verb Pronoun? Everybody in Language Town said that my family, the Adverbs, should never intermarry with the Pronouns. But love happens in the strangest sentences. Well, it’s very late so I’d better hit the dictionary. Definitions always (Comma) Vocabulary S. Entence

Isn’t that powerful? I do believe we all have something to think about tonight. I don’t know what that is, but hopefully you’ll go get me a piece of matzah now.

The commode is down the hall,
N-i-c-(h)-o-l-e

Larry King and Don King: Brothers?

AHHHH UGLY PEOPLE ON MY HOT BLOG!!!
(But don't get the wrong idea. It's worth it.) (Maybe...)



















I wrote this awhile ago when I was still pondering the subject, but since I have had little time to post here, I thought I would share it with you sweet little people now! Here's the thing:

Yes, in fact they don’t look too much alike, but if you peer closely you may see the familial resemblance.
As I said to my frere the other night, “Sittin’ on the couch are we, Don King?”
He sat there, a bottle of water clutched in one hand, a middle finger pointing uproariously in the other.
“What the heck?”
One would have thought the comment most obvious, I did not in fact believe that he literally was Don King, however I was making an indirect comment about his curly little do. Yes, I know I’m one to talk perhaps, but seeing as we come from the same vine, he also has ‘fro like tendencies.
“Well you’re Larry King,” He said defiantly.
I was taken abounds by this.
Larry King? I thought to myself, that’s even worse! No, not because of his hair, if he really has any, but if you, dear reader have ever laid eyes upon him, his appearance is most atrocious.

Suddenly, it became clear to both of us that perhaps these two were more complex than previously surmised. Maybe their names were more than insults... They in fact must be brothers!

Reasons Why:
Well haven’t you figured it out? Perhaps you need your monocle replaced because believe or not... they have the SAME last name! Now if that isn’t proof enough, I don’t know what is.

They have both appeared on television. Not many have, I presume. Two people, who are most likely both male, with the same last name, both on television. (Shockingly enough this has not yet appeared in the news.)

They’re both rich. None us even know either most likely, and yet have heard of them both. How could two people with the same last name find wealth and recognition in the public domain without being related? Impossible.

Both parties are quite odd looking. I could say more, but tonight I am examining the fanciful style of English writing affectations.

I hope your mind has been opened to this utterly undeniable fact.
I know, you feel silly now, but perhaps someday you will become one trillionth as brilliant as I am! Well.... probably not. Good evening!

Oh Dear!

Oh dear, there’s much to do these days in my way mature adult life! I got to get on the ball so to speak ASAP!!!! It’s collegian (HATE, HATE, HATE that queer little pretentious word,) time!

Letter’s of rec time, applyz tyme nao as well. Plus the peeps who were SUPPOSED to help set me up in the studio for recording that if, this week have disappeared back to stonerville! Grr.... Also I’m trying to finish my own personal business, writing, music, plus starting a tee-shirt dealy on Cafepress.com. Soon, soon, soon. Well, just as they say in the oh so brilliant “We Own The Night”, (or as mom likes to call it We Own The Wild/Into The Night. Think she really wanted to see something else? Yeah, me too...) Well like they say, you can only pee in your pants for so long until you think about a monkey. Damn that movie was lame.

I call it....

We Bone Tonight (cause it sounds better and makes about as much sense as the real thing.)

Starring Joaquin Phoenix with an earring and Mark Walburg looking constipated. Also with Eva Mendes and one of her two friends.

Cop Dude-Oh Joaquin/Booby Bobby you’re such a good chef!
*tear falls slowly.*
Bobby-F*&k! Shut the f&#k up you f^&*((n Russian people! I told you I don’t want to eat any more of your pirogi!
*stuff goes bam*
*People run around dumbly while several 80's songs play for three hours.*
Girlfriend/Eva Mendes-Booby, I uh, mean Bobby, why do you look nothing like your “brother” played by Mark Wallface?
Bobby- *licks boob* Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Other cop dude- Woah, some guy is all bloody.
Bobby- *cries again* I’m gonna pinch you!!!!
Bobby’s Brother- Waaaaaaaaah! Mommy!
Dad Cop- Was that a nice thing to do to your brother?
*Clock ticks for three more hours.*
The End! A “film” by the guys who acted in it and some guy who can’t write!

Yeah, anyway I gotz lotsa important stuff to do!! So go away! (Actually come back, and tell your friends and pay me cause I need money, and give me hug. Well, er not if your that old Russian person from “We Bone Tonight”. ) Yeah, I’m 17 and heading down some kind of road, but I wish the city wouldn’t leave dead possums in it and pot holes and stuff. Maybe I’ll even get out of LA, I mean smogsville, USA. Explore da world... Sheesh. Love yous!

Ode To Cook N' Stuff

Oh, Cook N’ Stuff. That store that sells cooking stuff.... how dear to my heart you truly are. Your overpriced juicer don’t work half as well as they take up space on your counter top.... Or those lovely knifes that look like something that would kill you in a cheap horror flick, (especially if you’re sushi!) They sure do have it all, don’t they? I thought I would take the liberty of advertising some of their wonderful new items, now on sale!



Cook N’ Stuff Stuff You Don’t Really Need N’ Stuff

Deluxe Chef’s Knife Collection
$5,892.79

Knives so sharp they can cut through steel but so small they can also fit in your wallet.

Can-O-Vision
$9,791.23

Why watch television when you can watch Can-O-Vision? The only can opener/TV you’ll ever buy. (Because obviously it’s a piece of shit.)

Bastalicious Baster
$518.52

Have you been a naughty little cook? Our flexible rubber basting brushes come in bright neon colors and look suspiciously like sex toys. Butter me up!

The Honey Thing
$139.96

You know, that wooden thing you only see in pictures of honey? Relive your Whinnie The Poo days one sticky mess at a time.

Thank you, don’t come again!

This Is DRIVING Me Crazy

Okay, people, listen up. You know how the other day I said that I was takin' my drivers behind the wheel whatnot today? Well I did..........

AND I PASSED! Yeah. I am really happy about it but I'd be happier if I wasn't sleep deprived and have my favorite activity in the whole world to look forward to tomorrow... yep, the Suck Ass Test class! Well if I could beat the Demented Mundane Velocity operative, I can probably beat the SAT too... wait maybe not. Hell. Dude. Yeah...

Alright, now I can't rant and rave for 500 pages tonight because it's late and it's not like I'm one of those teenagers in the movies, who actually has fun or something, but I'll share a few key concepts, hehe.



I woke up waaaaay too early and went to da ghetto DMV. It sucked cause I had to wait like an hour sitting in the car. Finally this dude came and we took the test. First he ask me to do right/left HAND signals and I remembered right but that was about it... next we dithered around parking and backing up and turning and crap and there weren't even any cones or fake cardboard cut outs of old ladies with machine guns. So basically we did a bunch of stuff and then he yelled at his GF on his cell phone and he told me how I went over the line when I was turning. (To see, duh.) But he was actually a nice guy and I thought I failed but I didn't! Now I get a new stack of stapled together pages until my licence comes in two weeks-infinity! Yay! I was supa happy. But then I had a french test and I told Sean about it. Then I went to piano. Randall felt pretty bad and I felt pretty depressed. But later tonight, we threw off some party poppers and I wore the streamers on my head because I'm the type of person who's just cool enough to pull that off.

We made terrible juice with pineapple and orange that SOUNDED good, but tasted like bile. We watched some Hawaii footage too. "I'm filming out the window! Pop Goes My Heart! Apple Banana Trash can!" Then we watched on (Oh! The channel for freaky plus-sized stay at home independent bulemic menstrual middle aged women off all nationalities,) the movie "Drive Me Crazy". Or some of it... I don't know, whatever the DVR liked best I guess. Randall wanted us to see it because he thought it was about DRIVING. (Um, no.) You know, it's one of those sorta fun but highly predictable movies from the 90's about teenagers who are for some reason aloud to drive with each other in the car without getting arrested and apparently have no homework and their biggest worry is some dance. Time zone?

I'd trade Debra out for Adrian Grenier as my neighbor any day. Melissa Joan Hart obviously has NO idea what it's like to live next to someone who talks loudly enough on the phone that we can hear her say "No one wants to have sex with me!" AND doesn't share her wireless. Not to mention evil Har-Har (a.k.a. Harold), Da Zoid who has the hots for my dad, and their daughter Damien (well Madeline but she's also satan.) But life is dumb. So it's supa late but I can drive by myself now! No not with friends under 25, no not with Randall, no not at night, BUT I can drive to school myself and save my mom errands. Yeah, I guess I'll miss having a driver a little bit, but somehow I think I'll live. Well.... that is all. Until we meet again Which will be in..... I don't know, what's up with mustard? Huh, huh? Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Da 411

SUPER IMPORTANT BULLETIN:

What to say? I could be doing other things and yet my blog has a receptive magnet buried somewhere in my computer that draws me here once again. Woah, wait a sec.... a magnet inside a computer? Wouldn’t that f*** things up a bit? And that brings me to something else. Why do people insist on putting *’s where letters should be when they’re cussing? It’s not like we don’t know what f*** could be. Is it fold? Is it foot? Or is it fwew? I can’t guess. Just too many words. They should put it on the SAT or something.

Yeah, I hate the Suck Ass Test. For the love of cheese, I’m in college! Why the bloody hell should I take this hard and lamo test for kids who ain’t even in college yet? Yes, I want to transfer. Hey, I could get into UH no prob, I just got back from there too. And some people would say passing that up is nuts! But I’m trying to be a “good girl” and keep my “options” open. Trust me I’ve had many fights with the voices in my head over this very topic and it’s quite a drag to study in the back of a glorified seven-eleven three or more times a week for many hours at a time for only about a bizillion dollars. But math is not my forte and if I want to boost my sub par scores then I guess I have to do this shiznit. So far we’ve had three teachers, excuse me three plus an evil prompter, so that’s four people in our four classes. Our real teacher is apparently keepin’ it incognito or somethin’. (Yeah I say that a lot, sorry.) And don’t get me started on stupid people. They run my school. The office people are evil little nutt butts and half the classes have been duds or conflicting this semester, plus the music program SUCKED. That’s why I dropped it.

Hey, I’m writing my own lyrics and music whenever possible, it’s my life long addiction now, I hope, and I’m starting work on my demo too. But all I do is run around at school, do homework, or go to the SAT thing, and then comes music, plus sleepless nights, and worries about my bro, who has been doing ungood to put it mildly. On a lighter note, I’m planning to tie down and jam gravel up the noses of all incompetent doctors. (A.k.a. 90% of them.) Who’s with me? Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking, “she’s not all together there”. Well yeah, kinda true, but who is? The whole damn world’s a bloody snow globe full of smog and offices, and oh yeah, tomorrow I get to go to the DMV. (Please see article “Oh Helllllll no!- Demented Mundane Velocity operative.) Yeah, another one of my favorite things to do. But I’m so cool, you wouldn’t even know that my life is insane..... me and my entourage hang out and look cool and try to cut back on sodium, yo! (And if this is hard to follow you may want to take a pop culture/personal experience test to determine whether Doodlinnoodleicken is right for you.)

I got back from Hawaii a little under a month ago and I can say that.... I miss it like crazy!!!!!!! P.S. I want to give a shout out to my friends out there in the big HI, thanks for reading my blog guys! Never forget that I’m still jealous of you! Can’t wait to go back there. So pretty, such good smoothies........... I saw my home dogg Orlando Bloom out there gettin’ bombed in Waikiki. Of course, I tried to take his pic or at least ask for an autograph but hotel security people decided to divert me from my doings and I missed him in the elevator. I’ve taken a liking to the Hawaiian music and culture and stuff, so I bet you can imagine how freakin’ weird ass LA felt when I got off the plane. No one told me “Mahalo” for coming, and when I said “E Komo Mai” to the guy at baggage claim he just stared. “No Zippy’s?” I asked. At least I got to see my little popokis again. Cali ate most of my window plants, and Jesse had extreme ADD. I went to school, made my room nice and messy and DVR’d stuff for the few times I’ve actually watched stuff.


I'm Learning jazz chords on piano so I can rock it more in style.... and I’m working a lot on crap I don’t want to do.... and I’m still managing to blog it all up! I also DVR’d “Idiocracy” and it was kinda funny, and shockingly realistic of how the world is NOW.
“Welcome to the time masheen! We’ll take you back, first to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his Nazi regime tried to take over the world!” I love that scene. Look it up on YouTube or something. Yes, I still have dial-up because Debra the dork next door won’t share her wireless and we’ve yet to set up DSL. Oh ye-ah! Oh and speaking of things to watch on YouTube or something... my videos! If you watch “Lost” you’ll definitely get a kick out of my “Season Four First Look”. Links coming soon when blogger isn’t f*********** up, (the other problem with *’s is you have to count how many letters it would be...) For now just type in “wildwoodflower16" and you’ll find my stuff.






Weee! It’s Random Thoughts Time!
When I was on the islands, I got bit by so many critters. A swarm of mosquitos, stepped on an urchin, a centipede, spider, man-o-war was a bit much. I’m on the Big Island and I step near the surf, not even in it and this giant thing hurls itself onto my bare leg. It’s pumping poison into me and I’m screaming trying to shake it off, and everybody at the beach is just staring at me like it’s a freak show or something. I got bit by a big ass one too and got a big peachy swollen ankle. Later that day I felt pretty sick from it and kept falling asleep, but my family wouldn’t let me take so much as a nap like I had a concussion or something. Well, critters aside, I loved Hawaii. GO KAMA’AINA DISCOUNT!

On the television subject , in a movie called the “Adventures of Sebastien Cole” the karate scene is hi-larious. Chop suey, superhero! Rewind it times three. Yeah, I barely know what I’m talking about either. You should see me when I’m caffeinated. Wowww. Speaking of films, I’m working on my film-making. I actually really love doing it, and I might make my own real short films someday. (I’m already working on some.)

Yes, I know I have an empty “Lost” blog, I’ll fill it sometime when I can but it was a whim we had once, a long, long, time ago. My family and I are such “Lost” freaks that we actually have action figures now. Sawyer says “There’s nicer ways to wake a man up freckles” and “I’m a complex guy, sweetheart!” Go fish biscuits!

Do you think anyone actually watches the “Emmy’s”? I mean, I guess some people do but come on! Lame...... In other news, Jesse bit through my phone line today so I’m using the short one.... come on people, you all everybody, stupid people 4 8 15 16 23 42. I want to be your superhero. Hey man what are you gonna do with your life? I dunno get a hair cut, pay taxes, die. I can get you a job flipping burgers. No thanks. Kay, got to go, but I talks to you later, alrighty? The tabloids say, I’m gonna kick your ass!
I love you!
Thanks you for shopping at Costco.

Hi, Everybody! (Hi, Dr. Nic)

'Ello. I am in Hawaii now creating havoc way across the sea. If you're wondering what that is, well the sea is something like the ocean. You get there in a plane that smells and is full of screaming babies, fat guys, and movies where the worst cuss word is "son of a duck!". I'm going to school and doing errands constantly and going to the beach constantly. First I went to Maui... which I don't have pictures for yet because they were captured by the others. Now that I am here in Honolulu, I decided that I would document my normal everyday life. I hope you find it very educationalistic.

Dis be my braddah R. He puts on his shoes and den goes out for a night on the town!

'Ere he is... waiting for the other shoe to drop!














Our hang-out in da ghetto our ABC store you lolo!


Here I iz lookin' super bad ready for some funnnnnn!







And Randall says..
No shutter bugs, yo!
Cause we are like celebs in da hood.
In the Honolulu!
It ain't just the pigeons that rule the roost, or the beach bums....
IT BE US!!!!!!

"Lost" and Confused!

Do you ever have one of those days where like stuff is so wack, that ya can’t even hear the voices in your head? Yeah? Well me too!
I can-not believe that I ain’t even been on here in like forevers. That’s just because someone around here stopped time. But luckily I found a way to turn it back on. (Too bad you can’t just get a clapper for that, huh?)

Now, everybody talks all cool like don’t they? Ya know what are da kids into these dizzays? I should know for real but it be da summer time, fool! I plum, hee-hee, forgot to do a May entry, I probably coulda, but I plum forgot. No, I didn’t apple forget or banana forget or grape forget. Like I said I plum forgot.

If it makes you feel n-e betta, I iz a film maker now. I made like ten really wicked videos, but I could only upload the shortest ones because like several other people in 2007 America, I have dial-up still. Hey, don’t just stare at me like I sez I still use cassettes or somethin’. I’m just old school cool is all I’m sayin’. But the point is, I will have high-speed access dis coming summer time yo, cause I got like dis connection of the ‘net over in the ‘Lu! No, not that type of “lu”. I mean the Honolulu, for real. I’m makin’ myself a little cameo over on the University of HI, Manoa campus in week or two. Yea!

I been busy with my other schoolin’, and I ain’t foolin’. (Okay I won’t quit my day job.) (As if I had one, haha.) I been workin’ at SEALAB once again ya know, hangin’ with my favorite lobstas and crabs, and takin’ care of the wee plants out back. I did some finals, too. Stress? As-if. Okay, there was some stress, but that’s the way of the whatever. I went out to Julian, I did, I went all about in ma new CAR! Which I DRIVE. And they all say, they says to me, “That’s a pretty sweet ride.” And I say, “Hell yeah it’s cool, and better yet it was on sale!” So it makes up for the fact that I is technologically challenged in da house. But it doesn’t matter.

iTunes is having a bit of a fight with me right now, see it doesn’t want me to listen to music, I mean who’da thought iTunes was for music? The people at the store sure seemed surprised to learn that! “Well see, we’d like to help you... er...uh... we could... but let’s just say.... we’re not going to....” Basically since I got a PC it’s like screw me. But they never said that it would not compute with dee little podzilla thingy. They’re part of The Others, I am sure of it. And that reminds me, have you seen Sawyers hair lately? I mean bloody hell brother, you’d look waaaaay better if ya just washed it. I mean Sayid washes his hair. And all of y’all are supposedly on the same island. I keep feeling like “Lost” in a sea of overpriced sandwiches and bad coffee and the mess of the room, I live in it, I mean it’s kind of like the hatch but easier to get into, the music is almost as weird, but not quite.

I chill up in PV (dats short for Palos Verdes, yo) and I pretends that I’m da awesomest club memba of Trump Golf, yo! I use the bathrooms there and drink ice tea and there’s this sign with Trump on it saying “He’ll be glad to see me on the course.” And it’s soo obvious that he’d probably scream if he saw ME on the course. Probably because I’m so cool and all, not really a memba, but it might have something to do with the fact that my bro and I we were chanting, “4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42...” over and over and people were asking among themselves “Is it performance art? Crazy people? A show?” hahahah. And singin’ “You All Everybody” And this weird lady with a funny blue sparkle hat looked at us like “I do say, WTF?” A parasail dude came dangerously close to my head and that’s when I thought to myself, what if Hurley is like right about the numbers? But then I remembered that it’s just a show? Or is it....

People are so freakin’ annoying, I mean they are mean to you, then they misunderstand you, then they point and stare, then they come at you with pitchforks speaking in tongues, what is wrong with the world today? Too much ADD medication, too much ED? And if “Happy Bob” tells me his *woooooooooop* is thankful about Makeitstandhopefullywithoutexplodingyourwangenal just one more time.... I’m gonna prescribe
his ass off the planet!

I wish Jack was my doctor, he’s all cool, you know unless you’re having a baby or anything then you’re on your own. Oh right, that’s something from “Lost”. Can you see why I’m confused? They made my life into this bizarre show! They films in ma hang-out first of all, (H-I yo!) But the freaky thing is they know all this stuff that happens in my life. Just the other day, I was on my way to the store when I was running through the jungle and I shoot a polar bear trying to steal my parking space and so I stop to make a crib out of rendered animal fat and bamboo but sadly I tripped over the hatch. So I never got to get any soy-burgers and stuff, it sucked. Then I see almost the same thing of it on TV and I’m like, hey ain’t that like cheating or something? So yes, “Lost” IS a reality show. But it’s more easy to be obsessed with something when it’s so close to reality. I mean, so close... it’s scary.

But you know who I probably don’t want on the show anymore is Joaquin Phoenix. See I was thinking of all these people who could be on the show, you know, for like more people, but anyway... The thing is cause Sayid would probably just kill him or they’d fight over the liquor or some crap and then Walt would say “Why can’t I drink the sea water?” and everyone would stare blankly. But I don’t know, at least he’s visible unlike Jacob, (who is really my brother Randall... looooong story, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you that anyway.) The bottom line is why the hell does anyone want to see “Transformers” it’s a movie about toys that turn into other toys.
I was watching “Entourage” in my hatch the other day and I was thinking what would it be like if “Lost” and “Entourage” were a dual-series? Adrian Grenier could be really useful because unlike Sawyer, he seems to wash his hair. I don’t want you to think that I’m bashin’ ma main home dog Sawyer, it’s just when he pull back his hair he looks like a samurai or something odd. But I have to hand it to him for making even more weird bargains than me, (which is also based on my life), because I have NEVER started a sentence out loud without the words “I got a proposition for ya”. Sigh... I wish they’d stop ripping off my life!

But my company, VIDEOTHING, (Very Important Demonstrative Experiment of The Human Initiative Negotiation Gah), has a secret video that will answer many questions! (Or possibly just trigger many deep-laden brain disorders.) Whatever the matter do check it out... you must. Hahaha. Anyway, peace out fo now. I needed to cross this blog off my list of things to mind this week. Because of course it is very, very, very, very, very, very, very important! Just stop acting like stupid people wearing expensive clothes! You All Everybody!

VISIT:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2MkHkbgzik

Come on, brother, or you'll blow up the bloody hatch! Oh right, it already blew up.

4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 1 6 23 42

Previously Recorded Material

I thought tonight before I went to bed, I would share some previously "recorded" unreleased material of mine from various forms and venues. All rights reserved!! Would you like some macaroni and Kraft Brand all rights reserved TM copyright cheese?? FINE! As long as you read this entry of bizarre and bad pieces I've written. And yes! They are supposed to be like that! Geez...


This is a poem just for YOU! Whoever the hell you are...

You are the coolest thing since sliced bread!
It is so awesome that you are as awesome as you are!
Wow it is in fact quite extraordinary that anyone could possess the magic of ten thousand sharper image chairs!
Or the whimsy of a sand castle covered with sea weed!
But the sand crabs do not hide the beauty of your lovely eyes
That sparkle like diamonds on the edge of a trash can.
And if love were a bunch of rotting banana peels and diapers
I surely would be the happiest garbage collector in town.
Because I love your trash.
What a marvelous consumer you truly are.
Wasting and using.
The energy of a pimped out car,
The elevation of a really big billboard,
A fat guy singing!
A bird cawing loudly on the light pole.
A magical unicorn dancing across a movie screen for an anti-smoking ad
And all the half dead cowboys with tracheotomies
That is how freaking cool you are.



This next 'song' was featured on the very lovely www.mycathatesyou.com

It is an extraordinary hit entitled "Oh f**k I Dripped Mustard On My Shirt" I think it was covered by all the cool people but now you know where it really came from! My deep, deep, stupidity!

Oh F**k I Dripped Mustard On My Shirt

Life can be so complicated
When things seem to come regurgitated
From the tip of a yellow bottle

Oh, f**k me
Yes siree
I spilled some mustard on my shirt

Oh f**k
There goes that mustard dripping from the corners
Of my tortured mind

Life is just a sandwhich
And not every value meal comes with napkins
To tidy up the drippings
Of a hard long day

Oh F**k
Will I ever learn
That mustard was spicy and left a burn
A yellow spot
My favorite shirt

Oh f**k again,
I dripped mustard on my shirt

And finally....
A poem that isn't as bad as the others that I wrote in honor of the coming season!

Summertime

No more radiant than the blooms
following the month of June
when the flowers have nodded
And drfited from their fileds

And the summer heat is strong
And the days last so long
And the nights are filled with song
Summertime

What happened to the summertime
Summertime
It comes after
the winter and the cold
And the spring when nothings old
Summertime
Summertime
Summertime

Danke Schoen! Y'all come back! Don't just stand over there staring all the time! My shoes DO NOT stink! Anything can be a color if you try hard enough to make it so! I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM! Well... if I do, what's the problem with a problem anyway? It's only if your problem causes you problems that it becomes a problem!

In conclusion... random thoughts

The sunset thing for astronomy is dumb... but the sunset tonight was pretty.
Why do people never call me... I always have to call them
"I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed...."
Cali I love you
Even frogs think I'm too cool 4 school
Trump Golf has a nice beach
Beach!
NOOOO Spring Break is nearly done!

But it CAN'T BE!

A Twist of Fate Makes Life Worth While!
~Great Success~

Let's Make This One For The Cats!

Liza sez: YOU cannot enter the zone. For I command the frequency! By the way, have you washed the rugs yet today, I really have to go... wait who are you? Get away from me!!



Cali sez: Polyphonic supersonic, man! The Christmas tree pine
needles taste a little funny. How fabulous do I look?
I am the most beautiful cat in Cali-fornia. Hey, watch
out for Liza... she uh... doesn't smell right. But JMK?
He is the man!















Jesse sez: Your soul belongs to me!!! I am captain of the den, duke of the dining room, commander of the litter box! Plus the cutest kitty in the city... booya!






Hello.... I have been told by a mister J. Moreno that everyone in North America is now required to sleep in a cardboard box looking adorable with your whiskers poking everywhere. Well, honestly I'm very tired. I wanted to post some pictures of my cats because I want to post them elsewhere online and I figured blogger would be faster than an image hosting site. So please prepare for an overload of freaky cuteness kitty cat style thanks to Cali, Jesse, and possibly Liza the Crazy. Although... at the rate these are taking to load you may just be seeing a blank page....


UPDATE: This is night two of the expedition. We nearly lost our technology. I think everyone is still onboard. Do you read? A little too much cat nip? We laugh in the face of danger! We scratch up the rugs! We help you out, not letting you sleep in too late, biting your toes at four AM! We chase and play and ACT cute when in fact we are only disguising the most obvious fact that we rule! We are the cats!

P.S. Juicy plums, sir?

March, Indeed

It is March, isn't it? Well isn't that an interesting coincidence. About this time last year, if I so recall it was also March.

March. What an interesting word. Like to march unseen through the bleakness of life only to find your one true calling at an unexpected moment in the complex parallels of sub-reality. Hmm, it makes one wonder if the plastic frog sitting on your alarm clock will come to life and march away on its own, by itself a suddenly independent life form. But how can this be? Well for one I regret to tell you all that I have just been to the dentist and that strange flavored tooth paste they use gives me the uncanny ability to obtain the understanding of many untold prophecies. The frog you ask? Why he was once a 'prize' at the dentist's office until suddenly I rescued him from his incessant turmoil.

Life is not easy. It is not only because I am strange. You must remember the writings of this web- log. Or 'blog' as a few prefer to call it contains the absurdities of every day life... well maybe not every day life, but usually at least every few weeks when I am tired/bored/have the rare free time to be a weirdo or need a place to collect my thoughts before proceeding with my doings for the rest of the 24 hour lunar cycle.

I am hoping for this March to be a strong one, a solid one. For those who are close to me, they know this has not been an easy time, of late for me and for my family. We are hoping that we will be able to march into the right direction and that by Flag Day, we will have amazing and highly positive stories of the past months to tell. I feel a strange sensation to tell you about school, people I know, things I've done, but I guess if I ever wrote in it again that would be for my other blog.

This blog has not been all fun and games, however. In fact as I am speaking to you, although you cannot hear me, I am using a very serious tone, rather somber as if I were making some sort of low budget documentary about the five year old pillow under my bed that I forgot about until just this very moment. The blog has proven very precarious and temperamental. It has committed several travesties against me. For one, the google account has been very hard to use, hard to leave comments, hard to log in, hard to use. Second my sainted picture of Joaquin picking up his lost change continually disappears. Why is this you ask? Well... I don't know. But the point is that is the only picture I could have possible used for that post under any circumstances. Isn't it quite obvious? Have you ever seen a more exemplary example of a change search? I thought not. Third, my computer is very slow, I have lots of work to do in the 'real world', whatever that means, and I have been preoccupied. It is all a big conspiracy. Yes, I think so. A conspiracy of infinite proportions. Why does the cafeteria look like it hasn't been dusted or given a new carpet since 1972? Why does anything ever happen? Why do people look like other people? Why do the cats slurp so loudly? Why do I have a headache? Why are the stupidest things the most intriguingly curious. NO. I am NOT nuts. Seriously. I swear I do not have a problem... uh.... have to go. The Cars are trying to hijack my house. Noooooooooo. Je ne comprends pas!